Aim low, go slow – An approach or mantra to support leisure?

Shortly after my sister had her first child, she told me about coming across a chapter in The Happiest Mom titled “Aim low, and go slow”. The chapter was focused on setting realistic expectations – of yourself, of others, of the outcomes of events or day-to-day occurrences. In the years since, my sister has, from time to time told me that it is an “aim low, go slow” day. I too have had “aim low, go slow” days. When I hear my sister talk about her aim low, go slow days, it almost takes the form of an apology – she’s implementing a solution and mantra for the days she can’t possibly aim high or quickly accomplish a million things before lunch. Sometimes the statement has a tone of failure to meet the supermom standards and so “aim low, go slow” is what you do if you can’t “do it all”. So while the author’s intent is about realistic expectations, the volume of messages communicating something to the contrary are often too overwhelming to ignore and “aim low, go slow” seems to be something some of us may resist or do apologetically.

Although the author’s focus is on happiness in motherhood, I have started to see “aim low, go slow” as a way to resist the dominant messages we all receive in one capacity or another (e.g., work life, home life, family life) that suggest we need to “do more”, “be more”, “go big or go home”, “try harder”,  “strive for excellence”, and “shoot for the stars.” I’m not necessarily against any of these things. There are times when doing more is a good idea, necessary, and even important. There are times when trying harder is the best action. But there is also incredible value in doing less; being content; and taking small, steady steps toward various goals

It is possible that an “aim low, go slow” approach to certain aspects of life could create more time and space for leisure and allow greater satisfaction to be experienced during leisure. For me personally, I have been reflecting on how more realistic work and career expectations (both the scope and the time frame in which I hope/plan to achieve them), could allow me greater opportunities to choose leisure over work. It may also allow me with more mental energy for our leisure. So, I think of “aim low, go slow” in terms of where it can be applied in my life that would afford me more leisure, encourage more leisure, and support me in choosing more leisure.

I also have been thinking about how “aim low, go slow” can be applied within the leisure activities that I choose. There are those people you will meet (I meet them) who, for example, start running for the first time in their life in April with a goal of running a half marathon in October. I’ve known those who have done it. I am amazed by them, but recognize that this kind of goal would likely set me up for failure. It’s too ambitious. I kept “aim low, go slow” in mind when I reflected at the beginning of the year on my goals for 2014. I wanted to get outside more. I set what I perceived as a very achievable goal of 1 hour more per week. If I’d set 20 minutes per day, I would have failed. There are just days when it’s -30 degrees Celsius with a windchill, for example, when I don’t want to set foot outside the house. However, 1 hour per week was a reasonable enough goal that I knew I could be successful. So far so good.

I also set a goal to visit one new leisure/recreation space or facility, attend one new annual community festival or event, and learn about one new leisure/sport activity in 2014. Again, hardly challenging goals. But my goals/resolutions were not meant to be a checklist of accomplishments or to push my limits. They were meant, instead, to support me in enhancing my personal leisure experiences, broadening my knowledge of leisure opportunities in my community, and expanding my leisure repertoire.

In terms of the “go slow” aspect of the mantra as it relates to leisure – to me, it represents being in the moment and having a quality leisure experience. How often do we rush from one thing to the next… even pleasurable or enjoyable experiences. We rush through dinner to get to a theater performance. We rush from a family swim to a friend’s birthday party. If we’re not rushing, we may be conscious of the limited time we have to engage in a particular experience – watching the clock or thinking about what we need to do next (e.g., make dinner, run an errand). For me, “go slow” reminds me to choose carefully how many leisure-related activities or experiences I plan for a day, week, or month. It reminds me to plan these experiences in a way that will allow me to be in the moment when I have them and to enjoy the opportunity to anticipate them. It reminds me to focus on quality not quantity and to savor the experiences.

Aim low, go slow may have incredible value as an approach to thinking about or planning leisure and as an approach to other areas of life that may afford more time and mental energy for meaningful leisure. I am looking forward to testing the approach out in my own life and paying attention to whether or not it makes a difference in, for example, my leisure satisfaction.

Reflections on the Interactions between the Loss of a Father and Leisure

My sister, Dad, and I on the beach in Prince Edward Island in the late 1980s.

This is a day when I expect I will think about loss. Two years ago today, my father died. Nearly all of us go through this at some point in life. I know I am not alone in experiencing the anniversary of the death of a parent as a time for reflection. I think about him often, but those thoughts, rightly or wrongly, are much more intense on the anniversary of his passing – perhaps because I reserve space for myself to reflect.

One of the the things that has struck me over the last two years, among other things, is how leisure experiences can trigger both wonderful memories of my father and a deep sense of loss. These moments produce both joy and sadness. In the last year, I’ve paid particular attention to how the loss of my father interacts with my leisure experiences and wanted to share my thoughts.

Feelings of Gratitude. I think this is a good place to start. I had a father who loved sports. I shared experiences of watching a variety of sports with him on television – some that I would never have been introduced to without his interest. In particular, I remember watching the Indy 500, boxing, downhill skiing, football, baseball, and basketball with my Dad on Saturday or Sunday afternoons. I have not taken up any of these sports, but I do have an understanding of them. My father used to endure hundreds of questions about rules and players (e.g., “Dad, why can’t they run from home plate to third base and then second and then first and then home?”). And while I never developed an interest in participating in these sport, I learned about them. As a result, this past year when the movie, Rush (about Formula 1 racing), came out, I had an interest in seeing it with my husband and thought of my Dad. I knew I was at and enjoying that movie because of him and it was definitely a moment when I felt gratitude for helping me develop a broad understanding of various sports.

My Dad also played a lot of sports with me. I’m not sure how many hours he tossed a tennis ball to me in the back yard so I would could learn how to catch with a glove. We played tennis and went cross country skiing, biking, tobogganing, and swimming. For a few years, my dad and I went skating on Sunday evenings together. I also remember running in the Terry Fox charity run with him one year. While he wasn’t a perfect role model in the health department (he smoked), he did serve as a role model for physical activity – he was a runner for many years and worked out with weights regularly.

My father was also an avid reader. I am not as avid a reader as he was, but I grew up with a father who was always getting books and reading. My valuing of this activity, again, is influenced by his valuing of, interest in, and engagement with books.

Because of his influence, I think of him often when engaging in various sport-like activities (e.g., as a participant and as a spectator), when reading or poking around a book store, when talking about various activities (e.g., cross country skiing), or hearing news about athletes whose careers I know he followed. Although there is a feeling of sadness at times, I can’t help but feel grateful for his influence on my leisure interests and recognize that the influence is ongoing.

The Sense that Something is Missing. I think one of the saddest moments for me was the first card I got from my mother after my Dad died. It might have been an Easter card. It was the first card I’d gotten that didn’t say “Love, Mom and Dad“. Wham-mo. It hit me like a brick. In my family, holidays and celebrations were peppered with leisure experiences connected to family and so something as simple as a card seemed, in the earliest days after my father’s death, to emphasis this loss for me.

Part of moving forward after a loss is being able to find and experience joy in everyday life and also during holidays, special occasions, and celebrations when that sense of loss may be great. I feel like I have done a fairly good job with this. I eagerly anticipate Christmas – love decorating and baking during the season, and enjoy getting cards or gifts for the special people in my life. However, I find that in preparation for holidays and celebrations I do have this sense that something is missing. In December, I would pass by a book or CD that I know my Dad would love to read or listen to – I don’t buy it – no reason to. I was genuinely enthusiastic about the Father’s Day plan my husband and I had made for his father last year (e.g., we went to a vegetarian cooking class together). But that sense that something was missing was present while shopping for a Father’s Day card for only my father-in-law. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to putting together an Easter basket for my mother and not buying my Dad’s favorite chocolate bar or shopping for Mom for Christmas and not for my Dad. There is always that person who is missing from the table at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. While I may enjoy these leisure experiences with my family or with others, there is sometimes that sense, in my gut or the back of my mind, that something is missing… because there is something missing.

And sometimes I have needed to actively anticipate how a leisure experience or event may bring about that sense of loss or that something is missing and work on not letting it overshadow the joy. I got married in June 2013. Without my Dad to walk me down the aisle, I was determined to find a way to get down the aisle without all the guests (or me) focusing on the fact that my Dad wasn’t there. I wasn’t going to walk alone. Having my mom or anyone else (e.g., brother-in-law, sister) walk me down the aisle, I feared, would focus attention on the loss. I decided that my future husband was the best choice. How could people feel a sadness when seeing the bride and groom come down the aisle together? I was happy with my decision and I had a charm on my bouquet with a picture of my Dad and a little note to him. He was with me, but the moment of walking down the aisle was not steeped in sadness.

There could be a variety of leisure experiences in which one might anticipate feeling that sense that something is missing – family reunions, the birth of a child, or any kind of annual event that involved family (e.g., vacation, a fun run). I’m sure that I will have other experiences when I feel this sense – ones I don’t or can’t anticipate and ones that I may be able to anticipate.

Opportunity to Reflect on Memories. I am an interesting position. I am living as an adult in the city I grew up in. My parents moved away from Fredericton, NB shortly after I started university. Many places I go in town provide chances for me to remember leisure experiences I shared with my Dad or my entire family while growing up. When I go to hockey games on campus, I have the chance to reflect on the time my parents attended an Acadia University alumni event – an Acadia versus University of New Brunswick game (I asked a lot of questions about hockey that night).

My office is in the building on campus that houses the swimming pool I swam in a lot as a kid. If I park at the back of building, I remember the countless mornings over the years my Dad and I sat in the car waiting for the swim coach to arrive to unlock the doors and let us in for practice. We’d listen to the radio – often discussing music – songs we liked, songs we didn’t. If I’m in my office on a weekend when there is a swim meet, I something go watch for a bit. As I watch the officials dressed in their whites move around the pool deck, I think of Dad’s efforts as a volunteer during my competitive swimming days.

When I go bowling, I think of times our family went bowling and how good my Dad was at that sport (he had trophies). Times when I take a walk in O’Dell park, I remember going cross country skiing and toboggan there. On January 1st when they play the top 40 songs of the year on the radio, I remember my Dad and I listening and trying to predict what the number one song would be. When I watch the Olympics in February, I will no doubt remember previous years when I either watched them with him or, after I had moved away, we watched them in different cities but discussed them.

While sometimes these memories remind me of the loss and make me temporarily sad, I also see the memories as a blessing. Having memories that are grounded in leisure and that surface when I engage in leisure somehow helps reinforce the value and place of leisure in my life and the importance of shared leisure with family.

Closing Thoughts

In reflecting on the interactions between my leisure and the loss of my father, I also think of friends and even those I don’t know who have lost their fathers. I wonder how they may think about or remember their fathers during leisure, what leisure experiences they had with their fathers, what they learned from their Dads, and what they taught their Dads about or during leisure time together.

5 Leisure-Related Resolutions for 2014

Ah yes, a new year. A time for reflecting on the previous year and making plans for the one ahead. I saw on the news the other night that “losing weight” and “getting fit” were the top resolutions people make each year. Apparently, they are also the ones people fail at most. I’ve not seen the research on this, but the news piece did interview owners of yoga studios, fitness facilities, and weight loss centers who indicated that while enrollment and attendance increases in January, by March, it has dropped down close to the pre-new year numbers.

Both “losing weight” and “getting fit” are arguably leisure-related resolutions – both often require engagement in a variety of activities during one’s free time be it yoga, going to the gym, walking, or snowshoeing. However, there are some other resolutions one might consider that would support increasing knowledge about leisure or may spark a new interest. I considered five resolution I could make that might afford me greater success than the reported success for “lose weight” and “get fit” resolutions. These resolutions fit with my mantra for the year – “aim low, go slow” (more on that in the next blog post). They are not ambitious resolutions, but they are ones that could lead to increased leisure satisfaction, improved wellness, and happiness.

1. Visit one new facility that offers leisure experiences in your community or nearby community. Although I’ve lived in my current community for 31 years of my life (the first 19 years of my life and the last 12), there are some facilities (e.g., museums, art galleries, arenas, community centers, churches, library, trails, parks) that offer leisure experiences that I have not yet been in. Exploring spaces that you haven’t been before is a great way to expand your leisure awareness – learn what happens in the space (e.g., go to a recreation center and ask for a tour), watch what happens in the space, and consider whether you may want to be a participant in one capacity or another.

2. Take in part of one annual community event you haven’t participated in before. So many communities and organizations within communities put on annual events such as festivals; celebrations; runs, walks, or bikes for causes; and tournaments. Considering taking in just one part of one of these events at some point this year. Choose one event that you haven’t explored before and think about how you could participate. Could you volunteer for a charity run or simply just go cheer on those who are taking part? Take your children along and use it as an opportunity to teach them about the importance of these events. There may also be an opportunity for you to engage differently in an annual event. For example, perhaps you always attended the same part of a community festival (e.g., a parade, a dinner). Take in another aspect. If you attend a cultural festival, but never try the sampling of food – give it a try. I’m not suggesting you give up the parts of festivals and events you enjoy, but rather that you expand your knowledge of or experience other aspects.

3. Get outside 1 hour more often a week than you currently do. This is one of my biggest goals for winter 2014. I’m not fond of the cold – something that can’t be avoided in my corner of the world. One could say I have a downright negative attitude toward it. My tendency is to hibernate in the winter evenings. I want to try to get outdoors more. I have warm clothes. There is no reason I can’t. I’m setting a small goal – one hour a week. Maybe an after dinner walk for 30 minutes twice a week. Maybe a nice long walk on a sunny weekend. Maybe some playtime in the snow. I’ve got about 12 weeks to experiment with getting that 1 hour of outdoor time and fresh air into my winter routine. I’m hoping it will help me shift my attitude about winter.

4. Learn about one new leisure activity or experience. For Christmas, my sister got me a book on geocaching. I’ve heard of it and know of people who have done some geocaching, but I know very little about it beyond that. The gift of this book is a chance to explore this activity more and play a little bit with it myself. I don’t need to become a passionate geocacher (although if that happens, that’s fine). I look at it as an opportunity to expand my knowledge of an activity and expand my leisure repertoire… once I know something about it, I’ll know better if it’s something that can meet particular needs. Scan what is offered at local facilities and do some research on activities you don’t recognize (e.g., I learned about “barre fitness classes” a few months ago after noticing they were offered by my campus recreation services. I haven’t taken a class in yet, but I know a little more about it and what benefits I could get from participating.

5. Plan one get together or experience with a friend you haven’t connected with in a while. Busy lives sometimes leave us saying to some of our friend, “We’ll have to get together” or “Let’s do coffee sometime”. Lack of time, lack of energy, and conflicting schedules can all be constraints to leisure experiences with friends. The days and weeks and months slip by. However, maintaining social relationships with friends are important to our mental and physical well being. Make a resolution to invite a friend for dinner or dessert or out to a movie or bowling. You could combine a couple of resolutions – try a new activity with a friend you haven’t connect with in a while. If you need to, set a date weeks in advance and commit to making it a priority.

We set goals related to our health (e.g., eat better, lose weight), appearance (e.g., lose weight), and work (e.g., increase sales, get promotion, accomplish something specific). We must not forgot to attend to our leisure lives and the new year provides a chance to sit back and think about goals we can set in that area of our lives!

Happy New Year!

Gift Giving, Caring, and Helping Youth Develop

Two ornaments my husband and I received this Christmas made by children in our lives.

It was a wintery Christmas here in New Brunswick, Canada. Ice storm, lots of snow. We also had some great time with family and friends in the month of December. And, of course, there were gifts. Some of my favorites… the homemade variety we received from some of the kids in our lives – tree ornaments, a s’mores mix, a holiday tea blend. It was awesome!

Christmas tends to be a holiday that is focused on giving and receiving gifts. And, for some children (perhaps many), the focus is on what they want and what they get from others. I’ve been to my share of Christmas events and have witnessed a variety of behaviors in children related to receiving and giving gifts. Some of these behaviors are downright rude (e.g., opening a gift and throwing it aside and moving on to the next gift – with the giver of the gift present). This could be a symptom of children receiving too much and so therefore not appreciating any one individual item. I’m not sure, but I will  admit that over the years, my tolerance and patience for watching this diminishes. Thankfully, I have also witnessed children as young as three years old take time to look over gifts and thank the giver. They display respect regardless of whether the gift is something they wanted or not; something they are excited by or not. I’ve seen the same in terms of gift giving – children who have no understanding of the concept of giving (and this is a concept they can understand and practice at their age) while others are being/have been taught about what giving is or involves and have participated in the process.

Over the holidays, witnessing this range of behaviors in children got me thinking about the 40 Developmental Assets (5 to 9 year-old) and ways in which giving gifts can contribute to or support youth development. The Search Institute’s Developmental Assets include 40 values, experiences, relationships, and qualities that bring many benefits to the young people who have them. Christmas, despite the materialism associated with it, does provide an opportunity to teach children about thoughtfulness, gratitude, giving, and charity. These are all Positive Values – a category of internal assets.

Modelling Positive Values and Caring During the Holidays

Parents and other significant adults (parents of children’s friends; other relatives; neighbors) can teach and model positive character traits such as honesty, responsibility, integrity, compassion, and caring throughout the year. During the holidays, there is an opportunity to model caring behaviors in particular. Donating to charity or choosing an Angel from the Angel Tree (an initiative that often exists in communities where you can purchase a gift for a child or adult who might not otherwise receive anything for Christmas) might be ways to model care. Inviting a lonely neighbor for dinner over the holidays or giving baked goods to others are other demonstrations of care.

Facilitate Opportunities to Care

One of the specific assets within the Positive Values category that children can develop to help them be successful and thrive as adults is Caring. Children should be encouraged to complete acts of caring. They can send cards, tell others they care about them, and around the holidays, they can make and give gifts for significant people in their lives that they care about. Children can even be involved in this process by using his/her own money (if the child receives an allowance) to purchase a gift for a community toy drive or a gift from an Angel tree.

Teaching children to care about and for family members is a good beginning step. Moving forward in helping children to understand that there are children who have different circumstances than them (e.g., have less than they do) and that they can provide some care for those children may be a good next step. Working on expanding to whom children provide care can help prepare them for experiencing or developing other assets such as Providing Service to Others.

Involve Children in the Process

While dragging children on every shopping expedition around the holidays may not be feasible or wise, it may be valuable to take them at least once when picking out gifts for grandparents or siblings or other special adults. It’s an opportunity to help them to understand the notion of pairing presents with people. For example, you could say, “We’re getting this fishing rod for Grampy because he likes fishing”. Children can also help choose, “Do you think your mom would like the red yoga mat or the blue one.” This encourages children to think about others – what others like and what others enjoy doing. There could be lots of teachable moments in these kinds of excursions – discussion, for example, of what equipment is required for fishing or to participate in yoga.

Children over the age of 6 have the fine motor skills to be able to help with gift wrapping. They can pick out the wrapping paper they think the receiver might like. My oldest niece knows my favorite color is yellow – likely no accident that most pictures she draws for me have some element of yellow in it. This year the gift tags for our Christmas gifts were yellow. I can only assume that there was some conversation at some point about yellow being “Aunt Char’s favorite color”. Again, involving children in the gift preparation process is an opportunity for them to think about the people they are giving gifts, what they know about these people, and learn more about them.

Children this age are also old enough to write their names on gift tags and to write thank-you notes for gifts they receive. And they can do more than write, “Thank you for the model train”. They can indicate what they liked about the gift or how they are using it. For younger children that may still be struggling with writing, dictating a note for parents to write can work as well.

The Importance of Asset Development

While Christmas and gift giving is one opportunity to foster or support ongoing development of one or two assets, attention to asset development throughout a child’s life is important. For those unfamiliar with the role that assets can play, below are two graphs that demonstrate the relationship between the number of assets youth possess and their experiences with success and problem behaviors. Bottom line – the more assets youth develop, the better chance they have at being successful and avoiding problem behavior.

Power of Assets to Promote Youth Success

Power of Assets to Prevent Youth Problems

Concluding Thoughts

While the holidays may be over for this year, there are many occasions throughout the year when children can engage in thoughtfulness and caring. For example, no doubt family members will have birthdays throughout the year and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day will come quickly enough with spring. Whether you’re a parent, significant adult in a child’s life, or a youth worker, encourage children to be thoughtful about and celebrate others in their lives.

Unfortunately, most of us live in communities facing challenges in which the care and generosity of others is needed (e.g., local food banks). Beyond one’s community, there are those around the globe who need care and compassion and there are organizations such as the Red Cross, Right to Play, and Plan Canada (as examples) that work to support others. Talking to children about what’s happening in their community and around the world (not in a way that produces anxiety in children, but in a way that helps them understand that they can do something to help) can be an opportunity for them to learn about others who need care. This may give them an opportunity to think about how they could help.

Learning to receive gifts appropriately and also to give is a step in helping children to develop positive values and, in particular, caring behaviors. I was impressed by the little people in my life who, while excited about Santa and getting gifts, engaged in giving behaviors that demonstrated thoughtfulness and care for adults in their lives.

Elf on the Shelf: Potential Roles Related to Leisure

My nieces’ Elf, Natasha, on December 8th, 2013

Let me start with a reminder that I am not a parent. I don’t have children who are having “Elf on the Shelf” experiences. However, I am an observer of others’ efforts re: The Elf. Friends post photos on Facebook of what the Elf is up to in their homes and I see their pins to “Elf Ideas” pages on Pinterest. I have nieces and a nephew who have Elf on the Shelf experiences. And recently, I have read a number of articles  that have offered various perspectives (some quite aggressive and nasty) on the Elf  along with  responses that argue against those perspectives. I tend to resist the negative judgement on the Elf and its impact on children that some of the articles have suggested (e.g., damaging children’s trust in their parents when they find out the Elf is a lie; creeping out children by suggesting someone is always watching; manipulating children). I don’t know what happens in each family’s home – what they tell their children about the Elf, how children experience it, or how children have reacted when they have become old enough to learn the Elf was moved by their parents each night.

Instead, I’ve found myself focusing on the ways in which the Elf has been portrayed as a leisure enthusiast and this has prompted me to consider the Elf’s role in promoting leisure.

Anticipation

Anticipation is an important stage of leisure experiences. It is the period leading up to the participation stage. During the anticipation stage, we look forward to the event or experience. We prepare for and learn about the experience or event. The Elf seems, from what I have observed, to assist with the anticipation stage of Christmas. I am not suggesting other things do not. Obviously, preparing for holiday concerts, using advent calendars, and participating in various traditions associated with the holidays (those connected with religion and those not) such as baking treats, getting a tree, decorating, attending church services all can help build anticipation. The Elf on the Shelf may be another opportunity to help build children’s excitement about the holidays and all its events.

The Elf can help with anticipation beyond just Christmas. Let’s take my nieces’ Elf, Natasha. I snapped a photo of her (above) when I was visiting them a couple of weeks ago. My youngest niece was having her “friends” birthday party on the Sunday afternoon I was there. It was a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed party. When we woke up Sunday morning, we found Natasha sitting on top of the piano in the living room – having colored a picture of Mickey in preparation for the party. The girls were excited that Natasha had helped to decorate. She signaled the significance of one part of their day.

I’ve also seen Elves holding signs cheering for a particular hockey team or sporting little team jerseys. I’m never entirely sure whether the Elf is cheering for the team that the family is cheering for or a rival team (in the case of mischievous Elves) , but the Elf likely generates conversation about the upcoming game that day or weekend.

Promoting Leisure Activities

I have seen Elves reading books, playing board games, skating, baking, skateboarding, knitting, zip lining, and playing musical instruments. I wonder what conversations these “scenes” create. Do children become interested in playing the game that the Elf was playing? Do they ask about knitting – what it is (depending on the child’s age), how it is done, whether anyone they know knits? Do they ask what zip lining is and where they could do it? Can active Elves generate conversations about the importance of activity? The potential exists for the Elves to generate conversations about leisure activities and provide an opportunity for parents to educate their children and help identify potential interests.

Fostering Curiosity and Use of Imagination

In talking to my nieces yesterday, they told me they found Natasha with some band-aids on (and a few others scattered on the floor) yesterday morning. The girls had created a story for why Natasha had those band-aids on. She had gone for a shot. They created a story, in part, based on their own knowledge and experience. They get band-aids when they get their shots at the doctor’s office. My sister tells me that Natasha generates curiosity and stimulates conversations as the girls try to figure out what she’s doing/thinking and why. Why did she climb up to the top of the Christmas tree one morning when I was there? One suggestion was offered: Maybe it is because the lights were on the tree, but the ornaments had not yet been hung. Natasha might want the family to decorate the tree.

In some ways, Natasha has became part of the girls’ creative play. Just as they create stories when playing with their stuffed animals, Sesame Street characters, or each other, Natasha becomes another character in their creative and imaginative play. What might Natasha do tomorrow?

Creating Memories

One morning during my visit, Natasha was hanging upside down from a curtain rod. My older niece (almost 5 years old) explained to me that Natasha she did the same thing last year. She remembers. Recollection is another stage of a leisure experience and taking pictures of the Elf and his/her activities can help with that recall. Pictures are not necessary though. Conversations about the Elf’s actions can prompt recollections about the various events of the holiday season.

Chance for Adults to “Play”

Let us not forget about parents. Sure, for some, the commitment of changing the position of the Elf each day seems overwhelming given everything else they have going on in the month of December. For those who do decide to engage in the Elf games, it is a chance for them to “play”… to use their imagination, to spend time with reality suspended. Adults don’t do that nearly enough.

Final thoughts…

I think that the most important part of the Elf games is that they are fun – for parents and children. I’m not suggesting that every Elf move should serve a function (e.g., communicate a message or model a behavior). We sometimes focus too much on the “function” and “value” of things we do rather than simply enjoying them for fun. Rather, my point is that the Elf on the Shelf can play some interesting roles related to leisure in the lives of those families who have included an Elf in their holiday activities and traditions.

Supporting Children’s Right to Play and Recreation

I wasn’t planning a blog post until after I got my grades submitted (end of term craziness does not support one’s ability to engage in creative thinking or be inspired). However, this morning I became aware of a  new movement – Giving Tuesday and was inspired to think about the need to support play. Giving Tuesday follows Black Friday and Cyber Monday – two days focused on engaging in consumer behavior (some of which may be leisure, but from some of what I saw on the news – it wouldn’t satisfy the “enjoyment” component of a leisure experience for me).

In Canada, over 800 organizations have partnered with the Giving Tuesday movement. It is described as a new movement which focuses on giving and volunteering. From the movement’s website, Giving Tuesday is described as,”The ‘opening day of the giving season,’ it is a day where charities, companies and individuals join together to share commitments, rally for favourite causes and think about others.” The point is made that we have two days that are “good for the economy” and now we have a day that is “good for community too.”

This may be an excellent opportunity to perhaps “detox” from Black Friday and Cyber Monday and switch one’s focus.

One of the organizations partnering with Giving Tuesday is Right to Play. It is an organization I chose to make a donation to today because play is something I believe every child should have the opportunity to experience. But beyond the donation, I wanted to highlight Children’s Right to Leisure, Play, and Recreation.

Children’s Right to Leisure, Play, and Recreation

Children’s access to leisure, play, and recreational activities is formally recognized internationally as a fundamental right in Article 31 of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC). The terms “rest, leisure, play and recreation” are not specifically defined, although in examining some of the research and discussion on UNCRC Article 31, it seems there is a consensus that leisure and play include unstructured activities that are generally free from adult supervision. Recreation activities tend to be organized, led, and supervised by adults (e.g., sport programs).

Recognizing the Right to Recreation Means…

Promoting the benefits and being an advocate. There has been considerable research on the outcomes of children’s participation in structured extracurricular activities both within the school context and in their community such as through church groups, community sport participation, and club involvement (e.g., Girl Guides or Boy Scouts). Participation is linked with higher academic achievement, positive development (e.g., developing prosocial values, social bonds, resiliency in overcoming challenges), and healthier lifestyles and lifestyle choices to name only a few. Promoting the benefits helps raise awareness of the importance of protecting this right.

Reducing barriers to participation. Unfortunately, not all children have access to recreation activities. Research shows that a high percentage of marginalized children (e.g., living in poverty, children who are newcomers to Canada, children who are an ethnic minority) have no or very limited access to sport and recreation. For marginalized youth, cost and transportation are significant barriers.

• Offering time periods when fees are reduced or activities are free
• If a community or organization offers subsidies to citizens who are low income, ensuring the process for accessing the subsidy is not complicated may be crucial to youth being supported with such programs.
• Providing transportation (free of charge) to events or activities or working to locate recreation opportunities within neighborhoods (e.g., traveling youth programs where leaders or facilitators visit various neighborhood parks or playgrounds within a community to offer youth recreation experiences).
• Contribute to organizations such as Right to Play or KidSport (in Canada) which help support children whose families could not otherwise afford their participation in activities. Make a donation or volunteer your time to help with fundraising activities or with spreading the word about the organization’s role in supporting children’s participation in play and sport and therefor their development as youth.

Recognizing the Right to Leisure and Play Means…

Supporting unstructured leisure and free play. A few years ago there was a documentary that aired called the “Lost Adventures of Childhood”. It contained stories of children who were so booked up, they did their homework in the car as they were chauffeured between activities. Other children, young children less than 8 years old, were shown participating in a stress management program. Meanwhile, research is showing that those kids who do participate in lots of activities can start seeing diminishing returns, a phenomenon called the “threshold effect” and benefits of participation begin to level off at about five to seven activities. Children need space in their day and week to be able to engage in unstructured leisure and free play.

Promoting and protecting children’s play. Adults should be aware of the importance of play and take action to promote and protect the conditions that support it. Play is imaginative, creative, spontaneous. Generally play and unstructured leisure are engaged in without a specific agenda including specific outcomes to be achieved. The only agenda is the one set by the child and may be to “have fun” or to build something or master something. The guiding principle is that an intervention to promote play acknowledges its characteristics and allows sufficient flexibility, unpredictability, and security for children to play freely. Providing objects for play or taking children to spaces where they can play helps in promoting play. Telling children exactly what they have to do with those objects or in those spaces may not promote play. Also, find ways to counter the popular, sometimes misguided sentiments that children’s free, spontaneous play is frivolous and unimportant and that structure-based, guided, rule-laden activities initiated and executed by adults can serve the inherent play needs of children.

Providing dedicated spaces for children’s play. Skate parks, for example, are important spaces for some youth. These are spaces where they can be creative, learn skills from peers, and practice those skills. Not all communities provide spaces for youth to engage in this activity. Parks, playgrounds, and youth centres are other spaces in which free play and unstructured leisure can occur. Consider being an advocate for youth spaces when your community is engage in planning activities that may involve spaces that could be dedicated to children’s play activities.

And specifically on Giving Tuesday, you might consider making a donation to support children’s play. Or, you might consider volunteering in a way that will support children’s play.

 

Hopscotch on the Sidewalk in your Neighborhood: An Endangered Species?

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Hopscotch – one of the games I played with kids in the neighborhood, my sister, or even on my own on the sidewalk in front of my house. I went through phases with it when I loved it and would spend a lot of my time on that sidewalk and then the interest would wane. Sometimes the phase lasted as long as the days before it rained and the chalked game washed away.

What a great physical activity this was. It got me outside. I had the chance to practice balance (hopping on one foot wasn’t my forte in the beginning) and learned to throw a rock with the precise arm power behind it for the distance it needed to travel. It didn’t require my parents to drive me anywhere at a particular time. I didn’t need others to be able to play or practice, but when others were available it was a great social game. And, it was cheap!

Outdoor play and games like hopscotch could be endangered species.

Fear that Neighborhoods are Unsafe

Documentaries have been produced describing the changes in children’s play and how children are as free to play outside in the way I did in my neighborhood in the 1970s and 1980s (for examples, see, Where do the Children Play?; Lost Adventures of Childhood). One key theme tends to be related to parents’ anxiety about and fear for their children’s safety. This anxiety/fear influences their decisions to allow their children to play freely outside in their backyard, on the sidewalks in front of their house, or in neighborhood parks or playgrounds.

In addition to documentaries that have explored this issue, there is also considerable research on parents’ concern for children’s safety. Most of the research captures the perspectives of mothers. Perhaps this is not surprising given research also shows mothers tend to be the key agent responsible for organizing family life including creating opportunities for their children to participate in physical activity and other leisure pursuits. Canadian researchers found that mothers’ perceptions of the quality of neighborhood parks influenced their decisions to allow or restrict their children’s use (Tucker, Gilliland, & Irwin, 2007; Tucker et al., 2009). Some mothers were willing to and did drive outside their neighborhood to go to a park they perceived as being safer or having better quality equipment than the one nearest home. Concerns about the safety of the environment around the family home (e.g., traffic, stranger danger) caused mothers to limit children’s independent play outdoors or how far from home they could go when, for example, riding their bikes (Bevan & Reilly, 2011; Jago et al., 2009). In a study focused on girls, mothers identified lack of sidewalks in the neighborhood as a barrier to their daughters’ physical activity (Gordon-Larsen et al., 2004).

One of the challenges is that parents’ fear and anxiety can produce a vicious cycle of fear. When there is a perception that a neighborhood is unsafe, it is less likely that children will be out and about. There is less social interaction among members of the neighborhood among both children and adults. With less interaction, fears of stranger danger can increase. Parents may then be more likely to transport their children around the neighborhood (e.g., to school, to the park or playground, to a friend’s house). This creates more traffic in the neighborhood which increases road safety fears (Mullen, 2003).

Unfortunately, some children live in neighborhoods where there is physical disorder (e.g., graffiti, beer bottles on the street) and social disorder (e.g., people drinking in public, people selling drugs) can influence both parents’ and children’ perception of a neighborhood’s safety.

Outcomes of Children’s Decreased Neighborhood Outdoor Play

There are some unfortunate outcomes of children not being free to play outdoors or move around their neighborhood. First, many researchers argue and have produced evidence that outdoor play is a strong determinant of physical activity. If simple outdoor activities become extinct, the levels of children’s physical activity could continue to decrease because outdoor play is a strong determinant of physical activity. Second, without activities like road hockey, bicycling, kick the can, capture the flag, and even hopscotch, there could be lost opportunities, as Paul Barter suggests, for developing self-confidence and problem solving skills. Third, with adult rules and strict boundaries, opportunities for exploration, creativity, and innovation may be lost.

Preserving Outdoor Play

Can anything be done to preserve the hopscotch experience or increase the independent mobility of children during their leisure time within their neighborhoods? One study suggests that mothers who interacted with neighbors and felt part of the community were more likely to support the independent mobility of their children. So perhaps knowing one’s neighbors and having one’s neighbors know your children could help parents feel more comfortable with providing their children with more freedom.

Many communities and neighborhoods have installed “traffic calming” measures (e.g., speed humps; speed radars; narrowing streets) to reduce speed and/or volume of traffic where appropriate. I live on a long, straight street with lots of children in my neighborhood. After several reports and complaints to police about driver speed by members of the neighborhood, speed humps were installed at three points on my long street. This has forced drivers to slow down and, from a practical perspective, encourages a relatively slow speed driving the entire street because of the strategically placed humps. Advocating for traffic calming devices may be an action parents (and even neighbors without children) can take to reduce the risk to children playing in the neighborhood.

Some cities are also putting bike lanes on busier streets to provide a space for bikers on the road and to provide a very physical indicator to drivers that they need to share the road with cyclists. Bike lanes can, at the very least, reduce the perception of road hazards and some communities that have made bike lanes part of the road infrastructure notice less vehicle/bicycle conflict (Chen et al., 2012). Changing the infrastructure proves more effective than educating drivers and children about how to behave safely and harmoniously on the road together. Something else to advocate for.

The more complicated issues to deal with related to perceived neighborhood safety and children’s outdoor play are those falling under physical and social disorder. Police action in such neighborhoods would be important as would working to make the neighborhood as aesthetically pleasing as possible (e.g., removing graffiti when it appears). However, this takes considerable commitment from members of the neighborhood and the municipal government. A first step may be recognizing that physical and social disorder does affect children’s outdoor play and working to advocate for children’s opportunity to be and feel safe engaging in outdoor play.

References

Bevan, A. L., & Reilly, S. M. (2011). Mothers’ efforts to promote healthy nutrition and physical activity for their preschool children. Journal of Pediatric Nursing, 26, 395–403.

Chen, L., Chen, C., Ewing, R., McKnight, C. E., Srinivasan, R., & Roe, M. (2012). Safetycountermeasures and crash reduction in New York City—Experience and lessons learned. Accident Analysis & Prevention, 50, 312-322.

Gordon-Larsen, P., Griffiths, P., Bentley, M. E., Ward, D. S., Kelsey, K., Shields, K., et al. (2004). Barriers to physical activity: qualitative data on caregiver-daughter perceptions and practices. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 27, 218–223.

Jago, R., Thompson, J. L., Page, A. S., Brockman, R., Cartwright, K., & Fox, K. R. (2009). Licence to be active: Parental concerns and 10–11-year-old children’s ability to be independently physically active. Journal of Public Health, 31, 472-477.

Molnar, B. E., Gortmaker, S. L., Bull, F. C, & Buka, S. L. (2004). Unsafe to play? Neighborhood disorder and lack of safety predict reduced physical activity among urban children and adolescents. American Journal of Health Promotion, 18(5), 378-386.

Tucker, P., Gilliland, J., & Irwin, J. D. (2007). Splashpads, swings, and shade: Parents’ preferences for neighbourhood parks. Canadian Journal of Public Health, 98(3), 198-202.

Tucker, T., Irwin, J. D., Gilliland, J., He, M., Larsen, K., Hess, P. (2009). Environmental influences on physical activity levels in youth. Health & Place, 15, 357–363

Loss of Solitude

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I recently read an article about the End of Solitude by William Deresiewicz. It provided me with considerable food for thought about the impact of ultra connectedness (e.g., ability to text, social media). In part, the article was focused on the affect on education/learning. As an academic, who engages in learning activities every day, I could relate to much of what was written in terms of effects on concentration, creative thought, and even my “propensity for sustained reading”. As a leisure scientist, I’m also interested in considering how these ideas related to leisure behavior.

He also discusses boredom and our increasing low tolerance for having nothing to do. He argues that television and the Internet has become and easy fix to boredom. “Television, by obviating the need to learn how to make use of one’s lack of occupation, precludes one from ever discovering how to enjoy it. The television has contributed, in part, to our intolerance of being bored.” Sadly, I have experience with the trap of television to combat boredom or not being able to make a conscious decision to do something else. Despite a belief and understanding that television will contribute very little to my quality of life, leisure or life satisfaction, or personal growth (all things I consider very important)… at times, television is the easy default. I should know better. I do know better. And yet… some nights I’m plopped in front of the television for the entire evening.

After thinking about this for a few weeks, I approached my husband about trying an experiment – only watching television when it is intentional. For us, this means the few shows that are favorites that we enjoy and the news. I could have done this without him, but part of my reason for wanting to make the change was because I felt the unintentional television viewing was going to have an impact on our relationship if this became a long term habit. He would watch a show that I wasn’t interested in and I would surf the Internet or get on Twitter. We are together in the same room, but we were not connecting or communicating. And, it is way too soon in our marriage to accept this as a norm. We don’t have children so we have more freedom than most of our friends/family. We are also healthy. However, we certainly not living our lives in this way.

We’ve already realized this is difficult (and I’m somewhat disturbed by this). There is the adjustment to the quietness in the house. There is also the effort of deciding what to do when we’re tired or feeling bored. So far so good in figuring it out. We went a 70 minute walk one Sunday.  One Tuesday evening, we had a great conversation about our favorite parts of the Christmas season. We’re getting out of the house more too – doing errands during the week. I have done a bit more pleasure reading as well. We are certainly not unique. Many individuals are working to “slow” their living or are changing their habits in a way that reduces the amount of stimulation (e.g., television, email, text messages) they encounter daily or hourly so that they can be more present with what they are doing or focus more on their defined priorities.

Deresiewicz discusses the idea of being alone and our inability to be alone as a result of technology. People spend time on social media (e.g., facebook) to feel connected. He ponders who deep these connections are or whether they have the same value as face-to-face ones… or, are they just a solution to the need for constant connection and stimulation. While cyber pessimists would jump on board and argue the negative consequences of social network sites (SNS), there is emerging research that demonstrates that facebook, for example, can help build an individual’s social capital (the resources available to people through their networks/relationships). I’m working on this as well – avoiding simply being drawn to social media because I’m alone or things are quiet. I wonder what the implications may be for communities as individuals find themselves connecting more through SNS (and people all over the world). Will this mean less individuals seeking connections in their neighbourhoods, towns, workplaces, recreation or sport clubs? If there is less connections, what would the impact be? Would this mean a weaker connection/sense of belonging to community, fewer ties in one’s geographic community, less interest in volunteering in one’s community? I don’t have the answers, but these are things I’m curious about. These could be some of the consequences of some people’s need for constant connection and their ability to meet that need online.

“I never have time” – Shifting away from using lack of time as an excuse

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One spring day in 2000, while I was a graduate student working on my Ph.D., I was having tea with a fellow doctoral student and we had an interesting conversation about time that has stuck with me. Discussing our lack of time was a common part of our weekly visits. That day she was particularly agitated about being busy. She explained that a friend of hers was encouraging (perhaps demanding) her to change the way she spoke about her time. “She doesn’t want me to say, ‘I don’t have time to have coffee with you this week,’ she wants me to say, ‘I choose not to take time to have coffee with you.'”

As a leisure scientist, I have a particular interest in time and how we think and speak about time because of the connections between time and leisure. Often, people think of time or lack of it as something that is beyond their control and would therefore view it as a “structural constraint“. Those individuals generally have an external locus of control and feel controlled by what happens to them that is external to themselves. They tend to blame other people and events, positive or negative, for what is transpiring in their lives. Therefore, the reason they would not have satisfying leisure or time for leisure would be viewed as a result of factors external to them. In my friend’s case, she was viewing preparation for comprehensive exams as dictating her time. The stack of books she had on her desk and floor in her home office – they were in charge of her time. The looming date on the calendar was marked in red “methods exam” also controlled how her time was spent.

I have fallen into this similar trap of seeing time as outside my control. In some ways, it’s comforting. I don’t have to take responsibility for my choices and even get to feel a little sorry for myself when I “have to” deny myself opportunities for fun because of class lecture preparation or grading is “eating up my time.” But at the end of the day, this external locus of control can mean that I miss out on satisfying experiences, that I experience a feeling of helplessness, and that I can even have a negative attitude about what it is that I’m doing (e.g., feeling annoyed at a work event because I feel I “have to” be there).

On the other hand, there are those individuals who see time use as something they have considerable influence over and have an internal locus of control. Those with an internal locus of control tend to experience a greater sense of personal freedom – feeling that they control their life, that they possesses a sense of power, are responsible for their life and their choices, and direct their efforts toward mastering their environment.

I have revisited the conversation about choosing how to spend time on many occasions. Would I make different choices if I had to phrase my time excuse as a choice? What might change for me if I thought about or spoke about my time use as a series of choices? In particular, I was curious if it might help me to understand my own values and choices related to how I spend my time.

The Experiment

A few years ago, I gave focused attention to altering the way I thought about and spoke about my time. I committed to a month. It was during a term when I was teaching “leisure education” and the topics I was covering that month were focused on leisure awareness and self-assessment. I thought that teaching those topics would help me keep this internal locus of control experiment at the forefront of my mind.

First of all, I found the exercise of shifting my thoughts and words to be a challenge. I didn’t realize how many times I used, “I don’t have time” or “I ran out of time” as a reason for not doing something or for explaining why I didn’t get to something. I found I used “I have to” quite a bit to explain why I could make a different choice.

I also became much more aware of what my values were related to my time. Work certainly seemed to be a priority as I was regularly choosing this over other things – my personal, solitary leisure pursuits, my social leisure activities, and even my health (e.g., not taking time to exercise or make healthy meals). I found that I was uncomfortable saying to a friend, “I choose to work instead of spending time with you”. It didn’t communicate what I perceived to be my values. It was a bit of a wake up call to realize that blaming the time demands of work had masked the choices I was making and that these choices were not necessarily representative of what I valued.

The other thing I discovered was what I truly enjoyed doing and what I did not. I would be inclined to use the time excuse for things in which I really had no interest. The things I wanted to do, I found a way to make the time. This raised the question for me of whether it’s okay to simply tell people that you’re not interested in, for example, going to a horror movie instead of saying “I’m too busy this week.” Did I risk being excluded in the future by being clear about what I chose to participate in and what I chose not to? It seemed easier to say, “I’m busy” rather than “I’m not interested in seeing a horror movie, so I’m going to choose not to go.” And yet, how could I truly expect friends or family or acquaintances to get to know me or demonstrate they knew me if I masked my interests and choices in the “lack of time” excuse?

The other change I noticed was that as I “chose” to work or “chose” to go grocery shopping, and “chose” to clean the house, or “chose” to do something with a friend that wasn’t really my thing but meant a lot to her, I approached these task less begrudgingly. I didn’t suddenly love cleaning, but there was something different when I used “I choose” instead of “I have to” language. I also found that I had a greater appreciation for those times when I “chose” leisure as well. It wasn’t something I did with what time I had left over. This seemed to enhance the experiences I had with those leisure pursuits. I was also practicing what I preach – taking personal responsibility for one’s leisure

Certainly, there are times when we cannot choose. I teach classes at a particular time and I don’t choose to show up or not – it’s my responsibility to do so. I fulfill this responsibility. There are many things parents do for their children that are not necessarily choices – but a responsibility that comes with being a parent. However, we each have some room in our days and weeks to make choices.

The Challenge

I encourage you to experiment with your thoughts and language related to time and leisure. Rather than saying, “I never have time for leisure” or “I can’t get leisure time” or “No one gives me time”, try saying, “I am responsible for making time for my leisure.” Tell your partner/spouse or children or friends what you are “choosing” – be it work, your family, your friends, or yourself. Be honest with yourself about your choices. Sometimes we make work a priority for a particular length of time for a specific reason. Other times we choose family over time with friends and vice versa. If you don’t like what you see (or hear yourself say) when the mask of “no time” is removed, you are in a position to make different choices.

If you accept the challenge and try the experiment, observe yourself in the process. What do you notice when you switch your language and thoughts? Do you feel differently about what you’re doing? Do you experience an increased sense of freedom? Do you find yourself making different choices?

Since my personal experiment with the time excuse, I still fall into my old traps. I catch myself saying I don’t have time for something when really,… even with all the time in the world, I would not choose to do it. I still catch myself saying “I have to” for things I am really choosing. It is easier at times to blame the clock or a full calendar for what I fail to accomplish or enjoy in my leisure. It absolves me of the responsibility. And yet, in the long run, it doesn’t help me in leading a fulfilling leisure lifestyle. In this way, shifting the way I think about time is indeed a work in progress.

Leisure Makeover Monday: Negotiating and Navigating Constraints to Leisure

This is the last post in the “makeover” series. If you have followed along, you have hopefully given some thought to various aspects of your leisure – what constitutes a satisfying experience for you, what needs are met through your leisure pursuits, what leisure skills you personally have, and even the things that get in the way of you accessing leisure or enjoying leisure experiences you are able to access.

If you completed the identify constraints exercise offered in the last post, you already have an idea of what the most common factors are that stop you from accessing or enjoying leisure. The next step is to work at finding ways to negotiate or overcome these constraints. There are a few questions we can ask ourselves to help in negotiating constraints: Is the activity or experience meaningful enough to you to bother with the negotiating process – do the benefits outweigh the costs? Are the barriers possible to overcome? Can I modify aspects of my life in order to access this leisure activity? Can I modify aspects of the activity or my participation in the activity in order to gain access or improve my enjoyment?

Meaningfulness of the Leisure Pursuit or Experience. A first step to negotiating a constraint involves deciding whether the activity we can’t seem to access – whether because of time or lack of transportation or limited finances – is meaningful enough to move forward in negotiating. For example, you may feel you do not have time to take after dinner walks. You first must decide whether walking is an important activity to you – do the benefits outweigh the costs that may be associated with overcoming the constraints. You may have ideas about how you could access this leisure (e.g., skip doing dishes; delegate these tasks; go later in the evening; wake up early and walk in the morning), but you need to consider whether the benefits you will receive (e.g., physical activity, reduced stress, time for self) are worth the costs (e.g., messy kitchen, walking later when it is dark, giving up an hour of sleep in the morning).

Constraint Can Be Overcome? Sometimes one of the things that keeps constraints from being overcome is that we don’t believe it is possible to overcome them. If you do not believe that lack of time to pursue things you enjoy can be overcome, you will not move any further in the constraints negotiation process. If you feel that lack of skill to participate in an activity is not something you can overcome, again, you won’t go further in the negotiation process. This means we need to believe that a constraint can be overcome and there needs to be a desire to overcome it before we can begin to consider or implement negotiation strategies.

Skills and Knowledge. I have already discussed that in some cases lack of knowledge or lack of skill are constraints to participation. If you can indeed link either of these factors to why you are not participating in a particular activity, refer back to these posts for suggestions on what you can do related to these constraints.

Modify Aspects of Life – Depending on the nature of the constraint (e.g., time), it may be possible to make changes to aspects of your life that would allow you to overcome the constraint.

• Getting up earlier may buy you an extra hour to participate in an activity (e.g., go for a run).
• Rather than sitting at your desk or working through lunch, you may want to take this time to participate in a leisure activity you enjoy (e.g., knitting, shopping, walking, socializing with friends, reading).
• Consider how delegating obligatory tasks (e.g., cooking; housework; taking children to activities) to other family members could allow you to access leisure you enjoy (e.g., either more time for leisure, or more freedom to choose to do what you wish).
• Consider where you are spending your money and whether making changes in where money goes may allow you to have more money available for leisure pursuits. For some people, it is not possible to reallocate their funds or to cut costs, but for some people, this is something worth visiting.

Modify Participation – Changing aspects of the way in which you participate can help you to successfully negotiate some of the constraints you face and allow for participation in some form.

• You may not be able to get the 45 minute cycle on the trails that you were hoping for, but you may be able to bike around your neighborhood with your children. The physical activity experience may not be as long as you would prefer. It may not be just you and your bike and you may not be able to speed along as fast as you like, but there may be other elements that meet your needs (i.e., being outside, being active).
• Some women who are fearful of running alone at night will take a dog with them when they run or only run when they are with a partner or group of people.
• If body image issues stop you from going to the gym, working out at home may be an option. Again, research on women’s leisure has found some who are self conscious opt for women’s only facilities or program as a way of negotiating this constraint.
• When finances are limited, it may be important to modify when you participate. For example, renting movies rather than going to the theater or going to the theater on cheap night and forgoing the concession stand snacks. Although purchasing a book allows you immediate gratification, using your library and placing holds on books you’re interested in may be a way to read new novels or biographies that you’re interested in. Many communities offer days when museums are cheaper or when attending an art gallery is free. You may not be as free to participate exactly when you wish, but by being flexible and modifying your participation, you may still have opportunities to participate in activities you enjoy.

Not Everything Can Be Negotiated at an Individual Level. Unfortunately, not all constraints to leisure can be modified by individual cognitive or behavioral processes. For example, if there are no swimming facilities in your community, modifying aspects of your life or participation to overcome that constraint may not (likely will not) be effective. It may also be difficult to negotiate social norms related to gender role expectations without the help of a partner who, for example, is willing to share equally in household and child rearing responsibilities. Therefore, it is important to recognize which constraints to leisure you experience are factors you can respond to individually, which constraints you need support in negotiating (e.g., from your partner, friends), and which constraints may require a more collective effort (e.g., lobbying for facilities or recreation opportunities).